This book provides a guideline to parenting for handling with the development of troubled adopted children and the issues concerning the development of a child. First chapter guides us through the theory of attachment and its development and the affects of your child’s history on development. Second chapter stresses on the idea of thinking of parents which affects their child perception as well. Third chapter focuses on details of setting up home environment for a child and gives practical examples of conversing with your child and make him understand what you do is for the benefit of his well being. Fourth chapter helps parent understand that they should look for the reasons behind their children actions so that they are in a better position to make corrections. Fifth chapter discusses the idea of following the principles of Theraplay to build a relationship with child. Sixth chapter explains the Neauro biological consequences of a child’s early neglect and abuse and some suggestions for raising a child with such concerns. Seventh chapter covers the study of sensory integration perspective, making the parents realize the feeling of having irregular thoughts always crowding your mind and then it focuses on handling situations like this in our life. Chapter eight discusses the relationship of the Art therapy and utilizing it to build attachment. Chapter nine covers the use of storytelling to build up a relationship with your child and using the stories to ease and facilitate the development of your child. Tenth chapter discusses the concepts of mindfulness and stresses parents to apply PLACE in practicing the healing strategies with child to reduce the negativity. Chapter eleven discusses the relationship between Reactive Attachment Disorder and Sexually Reactive Behavior. Chapter twelve, deals with parenting a child who has difficulty in attachment. Chapter thirteen provides an insight over the healing ways parents can adopt to build a strong emotional relationship with their wounded child. The last chapter of this book is “End Notes”, which spreads the overall learning gained from this book through different studies and approaches.
In my opinion the book is worth reading for every parent even though they have adopted children or not. This books makes us understand how we can accommodate and help adopted children adjust in the environment we live in. As I am not a parent yet but I have learned a lot from this book and it has also made me understand the cause behind the behavior of some people I know from my real life. The best thing I liked about this book was the information given on digging the real cause behind the behavior of the child who is creating a problem and the harms that could occur to the society or the child if the issue is not solved properly. The author helped us understand that we should not jump to the conclusions or assume the cause of the problem as even children do not understand the real cause behind it. In understanding the cause we need to differentiate the behavior from the self and when a parent start understanding their children, this helps in making a good, reliable and emotional relationship. I totally agree with the author about bringing reflection and empathy into discipline, the approach of openness and non judgmental attitude helps the child to share their feelings without any fear. The inclusion of real life examples by the author really inspired me of having conversation with a motive behind.
The other approach I liked in this book was following the approach of Art to create attachment with the child. The real type examples included by the author helps in better understanding the concept behind development of child in a positive manner. I would like to have an art room in my house for my child too, I really believe in the Art approach because I remember my father used to teach me how to make airplane and boat out of paper which I really enjoyed, I would like to go a step further and would also include activities of painting and making stuff.
Another approach which I personally liked and experienced was story telling. My father used to tell us story on the Thursday night and we all used to love the idea of our father connecting with us through stories. Most of the stories he told us were of Tarzan and his adventures of helping the people in need. I think I had a very good effect of those stories on my life; I always had a kind heart toward poor and the people in need. So I believe in the logic of telling young children with stories having a moral behind it. My mother also used to tell us some folklores and the main objective behind those stories was to be a good person, respect others and help the weak.
I think the toughest part in the life of a child was discussed in the chapter of “Raising a Child who Exhibits Sexually Reactive behavior”, the author rightly stressed on the connection that a parent has with his child which helps the parent to go from the stresses of tough beginnings to start new beginnings which has a feeling of safety, acceptance, play, fun, flexibility and supervision. Some children who experience such negative experience in their early life turn out to be in an individual with complexes which stain their whole life, so helping such children would be the best thing to do for the child and the society.
I believe that this book can lead to a very positive change in the life of a child who has experienced negative instances which affected his way of thinking and also help the parents who are in need to make a connection with their children having troubles in making attachment with his family and surroundings. I would like to ask people to inform the parents who have adopted a child about this book or gift them.